J-E-R-K C-H-I-C-K-E-N

Jamaica is an island in the Caribbean.

Early inhabitants of the region included Caribs, the Arawak and the Maroons.

Rarely does one forget to include the Taino Indians in that list.

Keeping up?

Charqui, the root of the English word "jerk", means dried meat in Quechua.

Hot peppers are combined with Jamaican pimento to make the Jerk seasoning.

Incans don't use Jerk seasoning.

Cherokees either.

Kentucky is known for their fried chicken.

Everyone loves fried chicken.

Not everyone loves Jerk chicken.

Well, these people do...

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Well, thanks again y'all. Not sure why Jerk Chicken won the last poll. I thought you would pick Happier Times for sure. Who doesn't like to think about happier times? I sure do. I love it. Feel free to take a stab and this week's poll on the top left. That's top right for those of you seeking relative accuracy. And don't forget to vote early and often. Unlike in national elections, we don't publicly frown on duplicate votes while secretly hoping for them.

Another thing: If you guys are reading this, shouldn't you add your name to the Followers List and "get up on this crazy train"?

How?

[Quick Disclaimer: This is not a serious Blog. The content is comedic in nature and doesn't reflect the writer's racial views in any way. Got it? I didn't have to say this about Canadians, but I guess I do here.]

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One of the most important public service announcements of the last 30 years starred a brave Native American who took on a critical problem facing America. Take a minute to see for yourselves. Beware. The following video has been known to elicit uncontrollable crying and general bad feelings from all who watch it.

I hope you had a box of tissues nearby. I should have mentioned that before. I barely made it to the bathroom myself before my shirt was completely soaked.

Now take a moment with me to recollect this poor man's journey. It began in what appeared to be a pristine river. Our hero started out on an innocent canoe ride. (It must have relaxed him). Only to find refuse in the river. Going further it appears that he experienced a time warp into the 1970s, 1971 to be exact, landing in a major commercial port, passing evil factories and power plants only to find that perhaps that meadow that he was travelling to was overcome by highways and cars. Not to mention the litter. The place was riddled with it. His only recourse at the time was what many of us might have. The shedding of a tear.

That brings another question to mind: Was our hero crying because of modern society's negative impact against the environment or because of the complete unfamiliarity of his surroundings? I mean he probably left his squaw back in his village. With his two children Walks with Elk and Stands like Oak. If he really did take a time warp, which for all intents and purposes would have been the only way he could have arrived where he did, he would never see them again. Nor would he fit in with the kickin' styles of the 70's in his full leather Native American clothing, not counting certain pop bands of the era. Imagine the looks he got. That would be enough for most men to turn their faces in shame.

What became of our hero? Did he go on a scalping rampage? Trade skins for wampum? Get smallpox? We will never know. All I do know is that from now on if a crying indian comes up to me, I won't shun him. I will embrace him. He most likely just misses his family and is searching for a way back to his wife and children. To which I say: Happy journeys dear friend, happy journeys. In the meantime, I just need to figure out how to reverse a time warp. How hard could that be?

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Thanks for checking out this week's post. I hope to be getting back on track soon. Check out my new poll by the way on the top left. See it? Now, take a moment to think of all of your friends who might not be checking out my blog right now and vote for them. It's what a friend would do. Isn't it?

Was that February we just passed?

So I realize that I am a month behind on my posts. I typically like to post once a week. I started to do eighties fashion a couple times, but stopped. I'm just not that into it. Move on already... Sorry to those of you pining for that post. Here's a picture I was going to use:

Those guys know what's hip...

As you may be able to tell from this picture, I was not necessarily going to write about fashion in the 1980s, but possibly fashion for people in their 80s. That may have been funnier, but I wasn't sure. Just in case, I looked for some 1980's fashion photos as well.

Here's an example:

We all wore Underoos in the 80s right? And check out those guns!

Okay... Here's another:

Reminds me of Beat Street...Not Breakin' or Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo... Beat Street

But, as you know, I seem to have taken February off. Maybe it was the inordinate amount of holidays for such a short month... Amber's Birthday, Valentine's Day, President's Day, Lincoln's Birthday, Washington's Birthday, Ground Hog Day, Boy Scout Day, Kite Flying Day, Umbrella Day, White T-Shirt Day, Toothache Day and Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day to name just a few.

February also has the Day the Music Died. That's the day when Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and The Big Bopper died in a plane crash...(They were rock and roll stars in the 195os. Rock and roll was genre of music made popular in the 1950s which was derived from the Blues among other things). I thought that was good to add from my readers who were born after 1985. They're still just little.

Alright... Here's a picture:

To top it all off, February is Black History Month. Add the study of Black History to the numerous of holidays and you have no time left for the sometimes frivolous, though always informative, posting that goes on here.

I don't think March will be as jam-packed. I'm not even going to look at my calendar...

That must be what this very fashionable octogenarian is doing...

Did I mention that Mardi Gras was in February...

Until next time...

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Hey, I really am sorry for not doing that Eighties Fashion post. With such a great response to the poll you would think I would have jumped right on it to please my readers. Nope.

Anyway, I have added a new poll on the top left where you can weigh in on your opinion as well as the opinion of as many dead people and pets that you should feel free to vote for as well.

Oh... In case you're wondering, February is really a packed month. There is literally a holiday every day of the month. And it's not only Black History Month but:

American Heart Month
An Affair to Remember Month
Canned Food Month
Creative Romance Month
Great American Pie Month
National Cherry Month
National Children’s Dental Health Month
National Grapefruit Month
National Weddings Month

Now you can see why I was so busy...It was Canned Food Month people...

Rock and Roll Fantasy!

This week I wanted to give you a little something about my time in the entertainment industry. It's a tough nut to crack, that's for sure and I know that many of you harbor aspirations to be the next big thing. Everyone wants to rock. That much we know...

Life as a rocker wasn't easy. There's the practice, the rejection, the late hours. But it's worth it for the sake of rock, cool clothes and adrenaline rush from being on stage. And don't forget the babes. Hot Babes.

A few people already know about by rock and roll prowess. To some it has reached mythical proportions. (I should say that they think it's a myth that I even play guitar).

I started playing in my room in 8th grade. I followed the likes of the Beatles, Led Zeppelin and The Dead Milkmen. From there, I joined a few bands in high school. Epitaph, Jubilee Baha Brothers and Glucose Toad to name just a few. But I felt that there was more...

It all started my freshman year of college where I met Eric Hauck and Shad Smith. Who knew that three years later we would start one of the most amazing bands of 1997 and 1998.

THRIFTY SPACKLE

The summer of 1997 Eric contacted me and convinced me to bring my electric guitar to school with me that year. He knew I'd be ready to rock. That summer he penned such classics as All Ears, It's the Truth and Francis. All Ears later became a staple of our live shows. At our first full practice with Dan the drummer we knew it was something. We rocked so hard you could see the walls crying tears of joy. We were all drenched.

Our first show was in a pretty popular local hangout in Provo, the Roman Gardens' patio. You don't have to read that again. You read it right the first time. Pretty exclusive place. We rocked it with a Rentals cover band and Tim Boisvert. Impressive company, I know... Unfortunately, no footage remains from that show. The Rock Gods still weep because of it.

But then there was Mama's Cafe. THE place in Provo for hot bands to rock. I remember it was a week night. A well sought after date to be sure. It started with this:

All Ears:

Jim (Guitar), Shad (Vocals), Eric (Bass), Dan (Drums)

Have you sat back down? I know that got you to your feet. We played for about an hour that night. But my personal favorite was this gem...

Wonderful Spatula:

Who would have thought that a song about a kitchen device could be so moving and so rockin' at the same time. Sadly, only one other show exists. The BYU Halloween Bash

Now, along with my lead guitar duties, I sang a couple of my own songs. They were generally acoustic based and only sometimes turned from love songs to songs about Jews.
Here is one of them from the BYU show.

Don't Know:

I'm sure you noticed the raw emotion spewing out of me. As well as the pleas to the crowd not to leave because of the touching feelings that I'm sure were their reason for leaving early. Not to mention the impressive display of plaids that only a true rocker can get away with.

Finally, I will share one of the little known tracks. I guess we only played it one time, since until recently I didn't remember ever playing it, but it was a rocker and was about everyone's dream to be a Jellyfish.

If I was a Jellyfish:

The Rock Gods smiled on us that day in October. I probably even made out with a hot babe that night.

After the BYU show, Dan left the band on study abroad and we got a new drummer from the music department, but we had only one show left and it was panned by the critics and club management as being too loud. We never played live again. But there are these moments...and that's important. Now I dabble here and there and Eric does an annual Cul-De-Sac of Fire on the 4th of July, but nothing will compare to those days. The hits, the misses and the rock. Maybe we will have a Thrifty Spackle reunion sometime. But until then, it's just the memories.

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Thanks for checking out my post this week. Check back soon for new posts. One thing about the polls... They need more votes. A tie between three great topics doesn't work. That's why I keep encouraging you to vote for your neighbors, friends and dead relatives. Maybe now that ACORN will be getting a few billion of the stimulus money we'll get more votes.

If you want to see and hear more Thrifty Spackle including .mp3s that you can download to your Ipods check out http://www.thehaucks.com/ThriftySpackle/

Man's Best Friend?

In researching for this post I learned quite a bit. Everyone knows that most dogs are pleasers. They just want their human masters to be happy. But what about those dogs that think they have a higher calling? They don't want to be trapped in a life of fulfilling their master's every need. For those dogs simply can't live under what they see as the totalitarian hand of man. We as humans need to tolerate them and embrace our differences. They deserve that much.

With that said, in an attempt to celebrate dogs and their diversions and accomplishments, I dedicate this post...

Dogs are natural athletes. They love to run and jump and play. Anything. They want to compete and show their chops. They also like to lick their chops, but that is another story. They do have large tongues... Back to the topic at hand. Take this dogs for instance:

Can you feel that intensity? What a winner! I can tell he's all about pushing the limits of competition. Feeling the adrenaline rush that comes with the struggle between mind and body.

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I think you know what I mean... Take a look at these studs:

They're going all out baby! You can't deny them... No way!!!

Alright... Time to catch your breath... I mean it. I know you see what I see...

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Focus:

Dedication:

Precision:

Hubris:

But don't get me wrong, dogs do enjoy human pastimes as well:

They Surf:

They swim:

They Hunt:

They play Poker:

And when the win, they know how to party:

But, just like humans, some can't hold their liqueur:

I think you understand where I'm coming from now. So lets embrace them. If you have a dog, let it run free, pull a sled, do an obstacle course once in a while. They deserve it.

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Thanks for checking out this week's post. And for voting on the poll. As you can see, a new poll has been posted. So if you would, please rock the vote. It's all you can do.

I know some of you might say, what happened to Hamburger Joints, wasn't there a tie for first in the poll? The answer is yes. But, I felt that it was the right time in to do this important post. Hamburger Joints may emerge gloriously one day, but for now, just take a minute and think..."Has my appreciation for the canine increased?" Enough said.

Hello...

Hello my friends. I have missed you. With the free time over the holidays you would think I could have posted something profound for you...I had several ideas that seemed to fade.

I was going to do a year in review, but I think it's too late for that now...

I was going to do a post on December holidays, but that fizzled...

Is it still Kwanzaa? Be right back... Nope. That ended January 1...

I think I will ease into the new year. Nobody get stressed. Okay?

I will be back with more posts soon enough. I promise.

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I have decided to revert to my previous polling method. Check out the new poll that's up... I don't think I need to tell you what to do with that. Rock It?

Banker's Dozen

This week I thought I would post about a group that plays a major role in our society...Bankers.

A banker is a person that you give your money to for safekeeping who in turn uses that money to make investments and generate a profit for the bank.

Here's a German banker in Iowa. Not sure what he was doing there, but he seems innocent enough. He probably kept most of the money from his bank in the vault for safekeeping.

A vault is a place where bankers keep money for safekeeping.

Here's one. The door is thick so that thieves can't come in. Unless you find a mathematical formula where the exact amount of vibration causes the vault to become unstable at an elemental level in order for thieves to walk through. Have I ever asked you if you watch Fox's new hit series Fringe?

When I think of bankers from the old days, I imagine them with armbands on their shirt sleeves.

Like this:

This is a store clerk. He's not real. Or a banker, but this is the best my research team could come up with. Great job guys.

This guy goes for a little more protection:

He's Zorro's Banker.

Nowadays, bankers wear their armbands in a little different place:

Doesn't that stretch them out?

Sometimes bankers meet the president:

Here's some with President Coolidge in 1923.

Here's one with President Bush:

I think this guy's in charge of something important. But, I'm not supposed to trouble myself with understanding such things...

Sometimes bankers have bad days:

There, there...

In the Great Depression, some had very bad days:

Don't try this!

I guess when the bottom falls out of this economy, our bankers might do it like this:

Don't do it Banker!!!!

I almost think of pulling the trigger after hearing this guy talk:

Who doesn't?

Well... and maybe this guy:

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Hi. Jim here. Thanks for checking out my blog. Feel free to leave your comments. My niece just started blogging again after a couple of months and my other niece said that reader comments can really inspire...I agree with that by the way...

Also, check out the new poll. Also if you decide to vote for a homeless Santa or two, go ahead. They might not have Internet access. So rock it for them!

Not a Dork!

Just for the record...

Amber posted abou how much of a dork she is today. I couldn't agree more with some of her points.

I just want to make sure everyone that reads my blog knows that I am NOT a dork. No way. NO FREAKIN' WAY!

Nobody that knows as much about Fried Chicken, Carnies, Canadians and Nijas could possibly be a dork. And don't forget, the ULINE Catalog is not a catalog for dorks, it's a catalog for men. Really cool men....

Oh, and I just signed up for Facebook and I LOVE it!

That's not dorky right?

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I'm actually glad Amber posted on this. I didn't have a very good feeling about what I was going to post on so this gives me a mulligan I guess.

I have put a new poll up so I you could glance up to the right and select the answer best meets your thoughts on the poll, that would be great. Rocking the vote will never feel better.

I'm not quite sure about my next topic, so if you have suggestions, let me know.

Happy Thanksgiving!

In thinking about Thanksgiving I decided to break with the typical format of this blog for some interesting quotes about Thanksgiving.

We all know the story about the pilgrams and indians. But while driving home today I heard an interesting quote from George Washington which sparked this post.

On October 3, 1789, George Washington proclaimed the first national Thanksgiving Day:

"Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor, and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me "to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness....

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech him to pardon our national and other transgressions, to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually, to render our national government a blessing to all the people, by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed, to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shown kindness unto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord. To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the encrease of science among them and Us, and generally to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best."

Thanksgiving was not necessarily a yearly holiday at that time, though many of Washington's successors declared days of thanksgiving. It was not until 1863, after the following quote by Abraham Lincoln, that Thanksgiving Day was held annually.

On October 3, 1863, in the midst of the Civil War Abraham Lincoln made the following statement:

"The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years, with large increase of freedom.

No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union."

Reading these quotes emphasizes the greatness of these men and many of our leaders. I have some favorite parts of both quotes, but rather than getting political, which I have vowed not to do after my one political post back in the early days of this blog, I will let you consider these powerful statement for yourselves.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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P.S. No need to worry. Even though this and my last post were very serious, I will back with lighter fare soon enough.

Ninjapedia!

I told you a few weeks back that I know more about Ninjas than I can and still be safe in society. Now, I know this can be dangerous. Trust me, I do. But, I also know the interest level is high. And who am I to keep these truths from my faithful followers. Before going on, I will tell you this: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

And now, some little known facts about Ninjas...

Fact 1: Ninjas are human.

While they look super cool in those black Ninja suits and you can never see their eyes, Ninjas are humans. They do have eyes. In fact, their eyes are so powerful, that they can see fear oozing out of their victims. I've been told it looks like pink marshmallow fluff. Some are so advanced that they eat it on peanut butter sandwiches after slaying their victims.

They also have hearts that pump the ice-water that flows in their veins. The more experienced Ninjas have nitroglycerin in their veins. They've earned it. Do they bleed you ask? The answer is No. That's because they are never injured. They are so strong, fast and cunning that they never suffer carnage of their own. They only leave it in their wake.

Fact 2: Those aren't really Ninja suits.

One of the first things that differentiate Ninjas from other humans is that at age 5 their outer layer of skin mutates into a silky super cool protective outer shell. That's one of the reasons they are never injured in a fight. While not noticeable to the natural human eye if a Ninja ever suffers a blow from an enemy, the silky super cool protective outer shell becomes as hard as diamonds. Actually harder. You could CUT diamonds with it it's so hard. And because the "Ninja suit" is part of their bodies it never hinders their ability to annihilate their opposition.

Fact 3: Ninjas never sleep.

They use their down time to strategize, hone their skills and catch up on their favorite books. Because the number of Ninjas is limited to a select few, it is vital that they excel in all areas. If it were possible for them to be in our presence without killing us, they would enlighten us with their advanced learning and appreciation of the arts.

The lack of sleep allows them to rely more fully on their senses. As with their eyes, their ears are also more developed that the typical human. They can extend their hearing range to decipher enemy signals, chatter and out of market radio stations that help them maintain their advantage over their foes.

Fact 4: Ninjas especially hate Pirates.

While this fact is more widely known, it's important to consider. Pirates are the anti Ninja. They are lazy, dirty, foul smelling uneducated boobs. They also wear really stupid outfits. Who thinks a hook for a hand it cool anyway? And that eye patch? That's appealing. Fact is, Ninjas could kill all the pirates in the world in a matter of seconds. Their slothful manner is no match for a simple and precise Ninja attack. Why don't they kill them then? If there were no pirates in the world, it might lessen the respect and admiration that Ninjas enjoy because of the comparison. Plus they really like to think of new ways to rip on them. That's something else they do in their down time.

Fact 5: Ninjas are AWESOME!

There's no denying this fact. While we are lucky to be alive with the Ninja activity in the world, they truly are an essential element here on Earth. We are lucky to have their contributions to society. While they are often misunderstood because of their propensity to kill and the sheer efficiency that they use to dominate their enemies, they do have feelings. Even if those feelings are generally fury, rage and blood lust, they still appreciate it when we consider them.

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Well, I hope this was an education for you. You now know significantly more about Ninjas than most of the unsuspecting world around you. I will tell you one thing however. For your own safety, you must never speak of the things on this post. FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY! If this turns out to be my last post because of the information divulged, it was worth it. You may have noticed that I made it a point not to divulge any sources and made it sound like I made most of this stuff up. I did that for my own protection.

Make sure to check back tomorrow for a new poll. Every vote counts even if it's manufactured so Rock It!

Don't be afraid to comment on this post. One of the only things Ninjas aren't great at is navigating the Internet.